Resurrection

As the relative calm of summer vacation sets in, I find myself saddled with time and energy that had previously been required for other more productive tasks. The past year stretches our behind me. The collection of experiences, events, lessons and moments seems to exceed in quantity the fixed amount of time that is bottled into any given year. Despite my own failure to grasp the passing of time with any measurable success, I am going to try to organize these thoughts back into my blog which, for so long, had gone neglected. This is, in parts, a way for me to reflect on the past year. This year has brought with it so many changes and personal mountains to climb, as well as many success and moments to be catalogued. These next few entries will also document my return to Thailand and my travels throughout this very special country as I visit old friends and favorite places. I will also be sojourning to northern Vietnam in an effort to balance old and new and will share my experiences there. Finally, I will try to utilize this forum and opportunity to attempt to bring closure to this blog, and in doing so, bring a degree of closure to my tenure teaching abroad in Thailand.

And so it begins. The end of the year came not too long ago. As with most charter schools our year is one of extended length. The days are longer and the students spend more days in our presence that other students their age. Wrapping up the year, we host the Summer Bash, an event organized by the homeowners association on the last day of school. As I sit atop a platform suspended over a tub of water, the Summer Bash is cancelled due to rain and lighting. But this was not before one lucky student, on his first ball – one of three chances – hit the target sending me rear-end-first into the tub of cool water. Needless to say, I had no need for an umbrella as the rain started falling. And so it was, as I walked dripping wet – drenched from head to toe – that I parted ways with the students and colleagues that I had spent the past year with. In many ways, this dunk tank is an apt metaphor for my time spent teaching in Colorado this past year. As I sat atop the platform, I had thoughts of regret. Had I made the right choice? There was risk involved, but it made the people in my life happy and satisfied their wishes. Was it what I wanted? And the thrill of falling was obviously there – the suspense and the not knowing what was going to happen was exhilarating. There was a complete release of expectations and I simply allowed myself to experience the moment, however fleeting. This was followed closely by the enveloping water. It surrounded me and took over – it dominated all my senses and left me wishing for what I had only just had. Then the moments spent sitting atop the platform, freezing and wet, pondering the future. What will come next? Will the thrill outweigh the costs? There is the feeling that you don’t have control of your future and what happens next. And I feel I need to end this metaphor before it becomes too cheesy and I stretch the situation more than I already have. I’ll touch on these thoughts later, but for now I’ll focus in on the adventures that followed, and have preceded this moment.

After a few busy days in Denver, I boarded a United Airlines flight to New York City. I was going to New York under the guise of visiting Columbia University. I had seen and researched several interesting programs they offered and I wanted to try to get a better feel for the school and the programs. Not less significantly, I wanted to try to assess my own desire to go back to school. For sometime now, that has been the next step. When I left Thailand my “excuse” was simple – I was going to return home to spend time with my family and go back to graduate school. I took the GRE and had done some research. However, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was simply looking at schools as a way to move forward without actually having to make any decisions. I’ll be the first to admit that the concept of going back to school leaves little to chance. There is little risk in that. It’s a safe choice. And it’s a choice that would be respected by those in my life. In all honesty, this thought of going back to school is only in my head because when I told my Thai acquaintances the “real” reason I was going back to school, they couldn’t understand me. My reasons were vague. They were obtuse. I was looking for something that was hard to verbalize. And that’s a difficult concept to explain in English much less Thai. So, I changed my strategy. I told them I was going to get a Master’s degree. No one questioned my motives. No one tried to convince me otherwise. Some offered to set me up with their daughters and friends so that I would stay and students told me that they wanted me to stay, but they all understood. They just didn’t want me to go.

Anyway, coming back to the point. I landed in LaGuardia Airport at about 10pm. My parents had kindly offered to put me up in the Westin in Times Square for my birthday so I had a destination. I simply had to get there. After all, how hard could navigating NYC be? I hopped a shuttle bus that took me into the city and dropped me off at Grand Central Station. GCS is about six blocks from Times Square so I decided to hoof it. And you have to love NYC because a teacher from Colorado can walk down 42^nd with his backpacking bag on his back and another smaller bag on his chest and not be looked at twice. That is until I stroll in the front door of the Westin. The journey was uneventful- a few wrong turns and a few ponderous looks in several directions and at several street signs. Nothing out of the ordinary. A point of note – while walking I walked under a banner on the street which was a part of the marketing campaign for Times Square. It said “Welcome” in Thai. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the Thai language it reads like this “ยินดีต้อนรับ”. And without delay or hesitation I strolled into the Westin. Now, I’ve had this experience before (Cambodia and Brunei) and I cherish the moments. Here I come walking through the door of a fancy hotel – my bags on my shoulders and a grin on my face more often than not streaming with sweat and I tell them I’m here to check in. More likely than not, this is all in my head and they don’t take a second glance at me. But I like the contradiction of images. It amuses me.

And I’m going to stop there. My battery is dying, but I’ll be back. And now I know the exact situation of the reference. I hadn’t seen The Terminator until this trip. If ever I decide to drive a car into a building, I’ll walk in and say, “I’ll be back” before I do.